February 4, 2019

I'll write a weekly this week too. I'm soooo jealous about Italy!!! Everyone in this area asks if I'm from there. Sometimes I hesitate acting like I am but then say I'm from Arizona. It's pretty funny haha. Bring me back something cool!!!! This new area is sweet!! It's in old Town Pocatello. So kinda rough but not really. It's extremely transient and pretty small of an area. I'll send you a screenshot of our Area Book map. We cover 3 wards and 2 of them are like a 3 to 4 mile walk away. It's pretty silly. Usually areas are connected but this stake has 2 super good missionary wards and the rest aren't. So we get 1 good and 2 bad and the other elders get 1 good and 4 or 5 bad (they have a car). We used to have a car but it got wrecked in an accident 1.5 transfers ago. Some lady pulled out in front of them on the main road 🤦‍♂️ so we lost it. It's a big area for walking but small for driving so it's not too bad! Plus we can talk to WAY more people everyday! We only have a few people we're teaching (which is abnormal) so we'll change that. President Southward really really trusts me I've come to learn. My companion, Elder XXXX, is a trial missionary from Layton who struggles with bipolar disorder and depression. He takes some crazy drugs for it but he's been great so far! His last companion was a great Elder but I don't think he was sensitive enough to Elder XXXX's feelings super well. He gets pretty down on himself often but says things in a kind of passive aggressive way to himself, sounding like it's a joke but is totally serious. I've been correcting him every time he does it, so he doesn't dwell on it. A few weeks ago, he had a breakdown and had thoughts of suicide (which he had previously before the mission which is why he's a trial missionary). He wasn't going to act on it, but the thoughts were there. I think the thoughts came because the slowness of an area, a companion who wasn't sensitive enough, and his inexperience most likely. When President Southward asked me to go here, he said he felt I was the only missionary he felt could handle the situation the best and positively. I guess I'm known around the mission as happy so that's cool! Also known as a stickler for rules but I'm totally cool with that. Jesus was a stickler for the rules, so should I!

The members here are kinda sad. They don't know how to do missionary work very well... We've been asking for referrals and such but they all say they don't know anyone. HORRIBLE. Yes I know that life is busy but if you don't know any non-members, especially your neighbors, there's a problem. We've been committing people to meet 5 new people a week and I've seen it work in my last area! So I'm committing you all to that as well! Being in Italy makes it ridiculously easy haha but still do it! Qualifications are you know their name and something about them. So basically you can tell someone else about them. Will you do that?! I'll follow up next week .

I've actually been reading my patriarchal blessing a lot more recently. In the MTC I got it shrunken down and laminated so it's nice and clean! I love my patriarchal blessing and find so much direction in it. I've seen it being fulfilled the past few months and I have complete faith that it will be fulfilled entirely. I love how in the beginning it says that all these things are conditional upon my righteousness. Which is so true. We have the agency to do what we're supposed to or not! It's simple! There is no middle ground for keeping the commandments. I've learned that!!! I'd rather keep the commandments and have the spirit with me always, than be cool and have a bunch of friends. In high-school I would probably say the same thing but inside I'd ask "Would I though?". Now I know for SURE I would. Even thought I slip up or don't do what I should, I am so so grateful for repentance. I repent a lot! The angels in heaven's hands are probably super tired of writing so much! Haha. But man, mom I'm so happy. I feel like I've found myself. "I know who I am. I know God's plan" (Children's Songbook, The Church of Jesus Christ, 77). I have so many gifts that I've been given to help people that I never saw as gifts! Music (which is my favorite gift), listening, serving, being a friend, having fun, athletics. I've used every single one of these on my mission to help and I love it. I want to spend my entire life serving and helping God's children. Without a doubt. It brings me the most peace and happiness than anything else. My testimony of God's love has grown immensely these past 19 months. When I talk to people, I feel a love for them that's full of charity. I love them for what they can become through that charity. It's amazing to walk down the street looking at houses and think "These are all 'beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny' and I have the chance to teach them that. Man is it a blessing. It's incredible how willing God is to forgive and bless. I know He'll forgive anything as long as we're sincere and change. I know it's all true mom! I always have and always will!